This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just cropdusted the office
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
