New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
