It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
