I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
