his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
