just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize