It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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