He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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