KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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