I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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