How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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