why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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