Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.