ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize