This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.