I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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