Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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