remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
