walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
