Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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