so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
