Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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