If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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