Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
