I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
