no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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