actually, I'm a sock model
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
