the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
