Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
