Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
