oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
