"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ttyl tear gas
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I lost the right to judge tonight
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
