jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
