Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
