captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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