Will you blow on my dice?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
