life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
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all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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