My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
