you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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