just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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