I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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