worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
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My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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