dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
