win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
