I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
