It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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