i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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