So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My penis needs a shock collar
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
