I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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