someone threw a dead crab at me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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