Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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