I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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