I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
