Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
