I smell stomach acid.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
