So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
