oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
