I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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