If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
