I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
People in love make me want to vomit
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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