They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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