i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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