i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
