My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
