so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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