Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
