Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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