After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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