So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
