So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
