I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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