you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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