Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
