Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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