I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
